IN the early hours of August 10, John* roused his five children out of bed at their Chaguanas home to tell them how much he loved them. Hours later, he was gone.
John, who was in his 30s and a single father to six children, is one of five men across the country who are believed to have died by suicide in the span of seven days between August 5 and 12, according to police records.
The deaths, marked as 'suicide' or 'suspected suicide' by police, spanned from Arima to Princes Town, and claimed the lives of some as young as 32 and as old as 75. The victims included a 63-year-old diabetic amputee and a 58-year-old man previously hospitalised for ingesting poison.
One man survived an attempted suicide, rescued in minutes by a family member on August 5 and referred to counselling by police.
On August 9, a 32-year-old Princes Town farmhand was found unresponsive by his father in his bedroom just minutes after they had last spoken.
In Mayaro on August 10, a 58-year-old man was found in an unfinished concrete building near his home. Two days later, on August 12, a 63-year-old diabetic right-foot amputee was discovered outside his home in the early morning. That same day in Santa Cruz, a 75-year-old was found unresponsive at their family's two-storey home.
John, the fifth man, was found unresponsive by his cousin at the home he shared with his children aged eight to 16 years old after telling them he loved them, that Sunday morning.
Relatives told the Express that the single father had battled for years with heaviness, depression and a number of mental health issues that, by the time of his death, had spiralled uncontrollably into paranoia and fear.
'It is a very sad thing, and it happened very fast. We know it was depression because he expressed how hard it was&it was hard on him and, yes, he had support, but I don't think he got the support that he needed,' his sister told the Express in an interview on Friday.
'As a man raising five children there is only so much he could do. It was difficult and challenging. People in the area had their opinions, saying it was witchcraft, but there is a spirit assigned to everything. It was a spirit of fear coupled with his mental issues and depression,' she added.
'A different man'
Eight years ago, John was a different man, jolly, full of life, but calm and quiet-the way he was raised by his mother, among three siblings and a small but close-knit family, she said. But this all changed when his girlfriend of several years died just days after giving birth to their fifth child, leaving him to raise them on his own.
At first, his sister says, the grief was heavy. And by June of this year, she said, he had reached a breaking point.
'He was depressed for a long time but really in June is when he started showing the physical signs. In June, he called my mom and said he felt someone was coming to kill him. My mother laughed, she said he was delusional, but he called me the next day and expressed the same thing.
'That week he went by a friend and asked me to look over the children. While he was with the friend, they were supposed to get an apartment for him to clear his head. He attempted to take his life, and he was stopped by the friend. We took him to the doctor& I told them what happened, and they asked a lot of questions, and he stayed a week there being monitored and detailed. They took him to the psychiatric ward where he stayed another week. In the moment he was still himself, talking normally but expressing that he felt afraid,' she said.
Her brother, she said, had worked all of his life to care for his children, never abandoning them despite his challenges.
After his discharge from the psychiatric ward in late June, she said, he became increasingly paranoid, never leaving his home and experiencing sensations such as smells that no one else could perceive.
By August, she said his depression had worsened, and families and friends tried to rally around him offering support. During her last visit, shortly before his death, she recalled, he remained calm and spoke normally, though he refused to step out of his home.
Though his symptoms remained, she said, she did not expect her brother to take his own life.
'When I got there, we tried to resuscitate him, but he was already gone. His children said he woke them up that morning to tell them that he loved them,' she said.
John's children, she added, are now in the care of his family, and are deeply traumatised by the events. Counselling, she said, was being arranged for them.
'They saw him, they were around when everything was happening. I know they are going to be traumatised and get counselling. My mom has taken it hard, but we are a small family. The few friends he had, they have also taken it hard, no one was expecting him to do that. He has a 'big man' crying according to what they say,' she said.
She told the Express that she believed his life, and battle with mental health ought to be highlighted, so that other men, struggling, could find alternative avenues.
'They (men) were not cultured that way. They are told to be strong, and their feelings remain bottled up inside. They drink alcohol or whatever to take away from what they really feel because there is no avenue for them to really speak about it and it is not being highlighted in a way that makes it comfortable to express how they truly feel.
'I think we need to give recognition to single fathers who are doing the best that they can. Communication is key but if the space is not created for a man to feel comfortable, they will not. It started from culture and foundation and parents. It goes way back to childhood. We need to change that culture about men being tough and hiking their feelings and their emotions. That is where it starts,' she said.
Men need support
In 2021, the World Health Organisation's published suicide global health estimates noted that the global age-standardised suicide rate was higher in males (12.3 per 100,000) than in females (5.6 per 100,000).
According to figures provided by the Trinidad and Tobago Police Service (TTPS) to president of the Single Fathers' Association, Rhondall Feeles, of the 142 suicides reported to police in 2022, 123 were men. In 2023, 81 of the 104 reported suicides for that year were men.
Speaking to the Express last week, psychiatrist Dr Varma Deyalsingh said, statistically, there has always been a greater incidence of male suicides, globally.
There are numerous factors that often contribute to a person's decision to die by suicide, he said, and often a contagion effect among those who view it as a method used by others to cope with mental health issues.
Although resources were available across the public healthcare system, Deyalsingh said practitioners often found it difficult to convince men to participate, given a cultural stigma in accessing such services.
part of the curriculum: Dr Varma Deyalsingh.
'There is always a challenge to get men to come in and talk. They tend to feel it is a weakness, and this is where the challenge is in mental health. How are we going to get them to come in and see other males who are also having this problem and realise not just help in terms of psychotherapy and medication, but also social services,' he said.
'We have things in place but there is the challenge of the stigma of weakness and not being culturally inclined to seek help. I advise men to have at least three people they can call in times of distress because when you have these feelings, sometimes you succumb to it. They need to talk more. Statistics show women are more depressed, but they tend to seek help, and men are less depressed, but they choose more lethal means of dealing with it,' he said.
Another challenge, he said, was getting the public to recognise the warning signs that may precede a person's decision to end their own life.
'You do have these changes in behaviours, someone who usually speaks but gets quiet, or someone who is usually quiet, but they are more aggressive, not sleeping, eating, using substances and talking about taking their own lives, those are danger signs. You have to tell people to reach out and seek help,' he said.
Deyalsingh said lifelines are available for those who simply would prefer to start a conversation before seeking professional help via a clinic.
But a cultural change, he said, is needed.
'We have to start looking at males more and tell them to stop this self-destructive behaviour& Men have been culturally indoctrinated that they must be the man, they must not seek help, and they must be strong. Given that sort of mindset, not allowed to cry, not allowed to seek recess, this is a disadvantage.'
'I try to tell men, you are human also and I show the statistics of how men are harming themselves more. Sometimes men get depressed, and we may not recognise the symptoms, it may be dismissed as a bad personality or it may manifest as pain, chronic pain, somatic symptoms that are not recognisable. The Government is aware of that because we had some training for doctors to help depression,' he said.
NOTE: If you are having thoughts of suicide or are in danger of acting on suicidal thoughts you can contact the 24-hour Suicide Prevention Lifeline launched by the Ministry of Social Development at 800COPE (2673) or Suicide Prevention NGO Lifeline at 800-5588.
* The victim's name was changed to protect his family
